Death By Malfoy
by Kira Regulus Black
Summary: Deep in the bowels of the Hogwarts dungeons lies a certain platinum blonde. Slytherins eat spiked chocolate frogs, and chaos ensues. Enjoy! Rated T for minor swearing. Draco/Harry AU


A/N: I have been working on this for a while; it is the reason my updates were so slow for a bit. I finally managed to finish it today, so... here it is! Enjoy! (Please Review!)

* * *

Deep in the bowels of Hogwarts' slimy dungeons, a certain platinum blonde was bent over his homework, locked in a fierce struggle with it. Currently, the homework was winning.

"Oh Dra~co!" A familiar voice trilled through the Slytherin commons.

Instantly, Draco's headache doubled. He buried his aching head in his hands, messing his hair up even more. It had long since ceased to even pretend to be its normal immaculate self and was now flying all over and flopping into his eyes, the messiest he'd allowed it to be in _years_. Pansy bounded into the silver and green common room, her hair bouncing as she skipped. Draco stared. Slytherins _did not skip_. Ever.

"Oh, Dra~co!" she trilled again. Oh no. She didn't…

Draco found himself being pried from his table. He hung on for dear life.

"Blaise! Pansy got into the spiked chocolate frogs again!"

He gripped the table harder as Pansy yanked at his robes. The table began to screech as it was slowly pulled across the floor. Several other Slytherins glanced up, annoyed, but when they saw Pansy, their expressions changed to sympathy and mild horror.

"Blaise!"

Draco gritted his teeth and clung tighter, digging his heels into the floor. The door to the boys' dorm swung open, and Draco glanced toward it hopefully.

"Blaise! Help me get Pansy off!" he trailed off.

Blaise was also grinning madly. Smears of chocolate decorated his mouth.

"Not you too."

Blaise skipped his way over and began to pry Draco's fingers off the table one by one. Draco tried to grip tighter, but Blaise and Pansy were too strong. He tumbled backwards, landing on Pansy. Onlookers winced as a screaming Draco was stuffed through the portrait-hole by a very hyper Blaise and Pansy, joined by a humming Theo. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other blankly, but followed Pansy out the door, figuring if Draco was going, they should too. The whole unlikely party trooped down the hallways of Hogwarts, passing a few staring Ravenclaws, a sleepwalking Hufflepuff, and a very startled Gryffindor.

oOoOoOo

Harry blinked and rubbed his eyes. Was that _Malfoy_ with a bedhead being dragged feet-first down the hallway? By a group of hyper Slytherins? And were they… _skipping_?

"Don't just stand there, Potter, _help_ me!"

Harry pinched himself hard. He definitely had been up too late. He must be seeing things…

When he looked up again, the whole troupe had disappeared. He shook his head.

Definitely up too late.

oOoOoOo

Draco found himself deposited next to the portrait of Barnabus the Barmy with Theo sitting on him while Pansy and Blaise tried to get the door to the Room of Requirement to open.

"Help me!" he begged the portrait. It smiled and twinkled at him in a surprisingly good Dumbledore imitation. "Get Dumbledore! Somebody!" The portrait simply waved as he was dragged through the doorway.

oOoOoOo

Once they were all in, the door slammed shut and disappeared. Pansy, Blaise, and Theo let go of Draco and began to happily sit down on the provided folding chairs. Crabbe and Goyle stood around and stared at empty space. Draco cautiously uncurled form his fetal position, taking in his surroundings. Surprisingly, the room was bare except for the folding chairs and a table with a case of Firewhiskey and a clear glass vial. He sat up.

"Okay, Pansy. You've had your fun. Now what the heck is it _this_ time?"

Pansy smiled innocently- too innocently.

"It's nothing." she lied. "Just Truth or Dare, and maybe I Never."

"Pansy?"

"Yesss…"

"Has anybody ever told you you're a _really bad_ liar? The truth, please."

She smirked. Draco had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Truth or Dare… with Veritaserum. AND all dares will, of course, be recorded by yours truly." She patted a magical camcorder smugly. "The Room even got Firewhisky for us, how sweet!" Another case of Firewhiskey immediately appeared next to her with a satisfied feeling.

Draco stared at her for a moment, then grabbed one of the folding chairs and began to batter at the wall with it. The chair reproachfully disappeared.

"You're crazy."

"Spells and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. _Sit down, Drakie-poo._"

Draco sat. Pansy was downright scary when she was like this.

"I'll go first." Blaise volunteered.

"Sure." [Pansy]

"Fine." [Theo]

"…" [Crabbe/Goyle]

"Drakie-poo?"

Draco gulped.

"Fine." He crossed his arms and stared determinedly off to the side. "Embarrass yourselves in front of the whole school. I'm not playing." Pansy's smirk grew. "Oh, you _will_, Drakie-poo, you _will_."

oOoOoOo

"Truth or dare, Pans'?" Theo asked, still somewhat unsteady from having drunk an entire bottle of Firewhiskey in under a minute.

"Truth…" Pansy fell forward onto the table and began drooling.

"Damn. Just when it's my turn, too…" Blaise trailed off and fell forward onto the table as well, landing squarely in the growing pile of drool.

Crabbe and Goyle snored gently in the corner, knocked out cold from the last round of the potent beverage. Theo was turning a faint shade of green, and Draco didn't feel too good, either. His head was too fuzzy…

"Tru- or dare, Drake?" Theo slurred.

"Truth…" Draco swayed, but caught himself before joining the pile of body on the floor.

"Who d'you fancy?" Theo hiccupped.

Draco frowned. "Not tell-ing."

"Chi -hic- en."

"Dare."

Theo sat for a moment, thinking as much as his alchohol-hazed brain would allow. A slow smirk spread across his face as he came up with the perfect idea. Draco shivered, suddenly nervous.

"Snog Potter."

oOoOoOo

"Y'sure we won't get caught?"

"Drake, it's 4 in the -hic- morning. Potter is prob'ly -hic- still half -hic- 'sleep."

"If y'sure then…"

The two supported eachother unsteadily, Theo still clutching a bottle from his late-night rendezvous. Draco stole a swig from it occasionally until it was emptied. Waiting was boring…

oOoOoOo

"Wake up, Mate!"

Harry groaned and rolled over.

"Rise and shine!"

Ron yanked the covers off, leaving Harry shivering in the middle of his bed. He screwed his eyes against the sudden light, rubbing them blearily.

"Wha-"

"Breakfast in ten!"

He eyed his _tempus_ dubiously.

"Ron, it's four. _In the morning_."

The redhead glared.

"So? I'm hungry!" He shoved Harry.

"You're always hungry. Go to breakfast yourself."

Harry pulled his pillow over his head. A moment later, the discomforting feeling of a bucket of ice water emptied over his head had him gasping and shivering on the dorm floor. Ron smiled triumphantly. Harry glared at him, then gathered his dignity and stalked off into the showers with a change of clothes. He locked the door behind him. Loud pounding noises joined the general racket as the rest of Gryffindor began to unwillingly awake. Harry ignored the noise, taking his own sweet time. It was four in the morning. He was allowed to be a Slytherin for a while, wasn't he?

oOoOoOo

The two Slytherins perched unsteadily in the shadows of the Entrance Hall, clinging to each other and the walls for support. Theo had dozed off somewhere along the way, and Draco was sorely tempted to do so as well. A shadow brushed the stone in front of their waiting-place. Draco jolted awake and shook Theo.

"Wake up, Theo!"

"Wha?"

The shadow shifted. Theo's eyes widened.

"P'fessor Snape!"

He dragged Draco behind one of the many columns that graced the Hall. Sure enough, Snape stalked in seconds later, glaring suspiciously at the shadows. They held their breath and stood perfectly still. Reluctantly, he strode away, apparently unable to find anything at fault with the Hall. His robes billowed menacingly behind him, making him look even more like the winged mammal most students less than affectionately nicknamed him for.

"Merlin, he really _does_ look like a bat." Theo muttered, staring after Snape. Draco nodded in silent agreement.

Another pair of footsteps echoed through the Hall, followed by a pair of voices and a shock of red hair. Weasley. And Potter was with him. He would have recognized his voice anywhere. Potter, not Weasley. Perish the thought. Potter was bad enough by himself. Merlin knew he had heard him in his dreams regularly enough, though often in a very _different_ tone of voice…

Draco broke off that train of thought with a jerk. What Pansy didn't know, she couldn't blackmail him with. And he intended to keep it that way, dammit.

"Go on."

Draco looked at Theo quizzically, but never did find out what he meant exactly as he was shoved unceremoniously out into the open Hall and into a warm body a few seconds later.

"Theo! What the bloody -hic- do you think you're doing?"

Theo drunkenly waved and flashed him a thumbs-up, mouthing 'go for it' at him. Draco realized he was still clutching whoever it was he had fallen into, and had not yet been snapped at, or worse, shoved away. Which was a good thing, really, because he didn't think he could stand without support at the moment. Steeling himself, he looked up into startled emerald eyes. Bingo.

Potter still hadn't moved, whether from shock or paralysis, Draco didn't know. All he could think of right now was just how _bloody gorgeous_ Harry was this close up. He grabbed Harry's robes and dragged him two inches closer, slamming his lips onto Harry's. A shock of warmth exploded across his body, and then he was snogging Harry, really _snogging_ him. Weasley made a strangled sound. Harry slumped in his arms. Draco stared at him in growing horror. He surely wasn't _dead_, was he?

"It was only a bet… only… a… bet…" he whispered.

Suddenly, everything was too loud, too bright. Draco felt his knees give out from under him, and he slumped over Harry. Dimly, he could hear Theo falling over as well and retching all over the marble floor. He fainted.

oOoOoOo

Draco opened his eyes blearily. He was surrounded by a sea of pristine white. Damn. He was in the hospital wing. Snape was looming over him. Draco ignored him. His head was _throbbing_. He groaned.

"Ah, Mr. Malfoy, you see fit to rejoin us in the land of the living. Mr. Malfoy, Nott, Zabini, Goyle, Crabbe, and Ms. Parkinson, what have you to say for yourselves?"

All five boys pointed at Pansy.

"She did it."

Snape groaned.


End file.
